Funny Joke

[Dracula]

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex,

she spent the next hour just scratching his nuts--something she seemed

to love to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do

you love doing that?'

 

'Because,' she replied, 'I really miss mine.'

[raven maniac]

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex,

she spent the next hour just scratching his nuts--something she seemed

to love to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do

you love doing that?'

 

'Because,' she replied, 'I really miss mine.'

 

[Dracula]

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, he thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

Be strong honey. I love you, too."

 

 

So there's three construction workers, a blond American one, a German one, and a Mexican one.

 

The German opens his lunch box and says, "Damn it all, I swear if I get Bratwurst one more time I'm going to jump!"

 

The American nods and complains, "If I get grilled cheese one more time, I'm going to jump!"

 

The Mexican agrees, and cries, "Si, senor, if I get burritos one more god damned time, I'm going to jump!"

 

So, the next day they get, you guessed it, Bratwurst, Grilled cheese, and burritos. Again. They jump to their deaths.

 

At the funeral, the Mexican and German wives are weeping, however the wife of the blond American is not. When asked why, she screamed, "He packs his own lunch, the dumbass!"

 

 

 

A young couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive

course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third

tee, the wife sliced her shot right through the large

front window of the biggest house along the course.

They walked up, knocked on the door and heard a voice

say, "Come on in."

 

When they opened the door, they saw glass everywhere

and a broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the

couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

 

The husband began to apologize, but the man cut him

off, "Actually, I want to thank you, I'm a genie who

was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot

released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes, so

what I'd like to do is give each of you one wish,

and I'll keep last one for myself."

 

"Fantastic!" said the husband. "I want a million

dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem,"

said the genie, "it's the least I can do."

 

"I want a house in every country in the world," said

the wife. "Consider it done," said the genie, "and

now for my wish. Because I've been trapped in that

bottle, I haven't had sex in a really long time. My

wish is to sleep with your wife."

 

The husband looked over at his wife and said, "Well,

we did get a lot of money and all those houses...If

you don't mind honey, I don't either." The wife

agreed.

 

The genie took her upstairs and ravished her for 3

hours. After he was through, the genie looked at the

wife and asked, "How old is you husband, anyway?"

 

"Twenty-five," said the wife.

 

"And he still believes in genies?"

[Determined2Win]

That last one made me laugh hysterically, nice post dracula.