Bag lady

[thatoneguy]

Traveling. Never easy on the body. Never easy on the bowels. New food. Time changes. Not enough water. My friend and I had graduated from high school. Our parents decided to send us to Greece for a month. Maybe they were worried we would get in trouble at home that summer. So, yeah, sure, send us overseas to a place with no drinking age. That'll work.

I always had bowel problems. Growing up, I had a fear of pooping. I didn't like the smell. I didn't like to wipe. I didn't like anything about it. So I would hold it in, for a week sometimes, and then dispose of logs that would always plug the toilet.

 

As I got older, my fear of pooping got better, but I was still doing these logs. My fear was always that I would be at a friend's house or out somewhere and plug their toilet. I've run home from birthday parties with my ass cheeks clenched for this very reason.

 

There we were in hot Greece, eating an abundance of feta cheese. We had been there for a month and I think I pooped twice. Each time I would use the bathroom in a cafe (just as we were about to leave) and I'd end up plugging the bowl. The night before we were set to get on a plane and make that long trek home, I really had to go, but I was insanely constipated. It had been about a week and I knew I was blocked up pretty badly.

 

We were staying at my friend's cousin's house that night. One problem: the toilet was broken. It wasn't flushable, unless you poured in a bucket of water to force down whatever was in it. How was I going to poop in that? I knew I couldn't get on the plane in the condition I was in. My stomach was killing me and the pressure on my bowels was intense. But I wasn't sure if I would have a chance to use the toilet in the airport, so I figured it was now or never.

 

I went into the bathroom and found an empty bag. My plan was to poop in the bag and dispose of the bag somehow. But where? There was a window over the toilet. But after climbing up, I realized it lead to a roof outside their window, so it would just linger there.

 

There I was, standing in the bathroom with a bag up to my butt, trying to poop. Nothing. And there was a knock at the door. It was the brother of one of the girls who lived there. He needed to pee. Bag in hand, I walked out, defeated.

 

By now my friend was concerned why I was spending so much time in the bathroom. So when I heard the brother leave the bathroom, I snuck back in. I don't know what happened, but I couldn't poop in the bag. Gee, I dunno, maybe because pooping in a bag is not natural! So I ended up going in the toilet.

 

The poop was huge. It was big and round like a baseball. I was sweating. There was no way it was going down, even if I poured in five gallons of water. But how was I going to get it out? I scoured the bathroom... nothing. Then I saw it: a toothbrush they use for cleaning (I hope!), wedged in the elbow of the sink pipes. I grabbed it and, handle first, skewered the poop and dropped it into the bag. I rinsed off the toothbrush and stuck it back on the pipe. I wiped and put the paper in the bag.

 

Now to dispose of the bag. We were on the third floor. Maybe there was a garbage can outside the building? It was about 4:30 AM by this time, so I had my friend let me out of the apartment. She asked what was in the bag, and I told her I had to use a lot of paper. I'm surprised she didn't see the ten-pound bowling ball-sized lump in the bag.

 

I scurried down the stairs and to the front door. There was a garbage can all right, but it was too far to get to, and the door behind me would lock shut, and I'd have to be buzzed in, and I had no clue what the apartment number was, never mind the fact that it was 4:30 in the morning. So I tried to walk out of the door as far as I could while still holding it. I swung the bag above my head to get some leverage and let it sail across the street, where it hit a car with a big thud... and set off the alarm. I ran back upstairs.

[Drox]

[Neji]

and then what?

[Toxin]

Copy-Pasta threads are awesome.

[RaDiuM]

creepy pasta is better. I would read a creepy pasta post

 

but tl;dr

[SoulKeeper]

guys im the grifter

[PowStriker]

Hmm the story was a waste of time Lol...

[Jewpiter]

[PotshotPolka]

[b0red]