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Most embarrassing moments

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Everyone has embarrassing moments! Post yours here so everyone can get some lulz!



One of the most embarrassing things happened to me TODAY. The boss took me out to lunch and ordered us all really freaking spicy chicken wings. My stomach, having the stability of a biopolar menopausal woman who has just quit chain smoking, was terrified. I manned up and ate the wings. They were actually quite delicious. For a while. I could feel the hot greasy poison slipping down my throat and into my unsuspecting belly...gurgle. Oh God. This was going to be bad.


When we got back to the office a few hours ago, I came back to my office and started thinking of ways to calm the impending destructive digestive storm. Took some Tums. Yum, fruit flavored. Gurgle. No dice.


Drank some water. I'm pretty sure the water made it worse by spreading the oils all around my system. Gurgle Gurlge.


No more than an hour after I had returned, the storm had arrived. And it wasn't just any storm. It was fierce and angry. It was a "Category HOLY FUCK!" poop hurricane.


I ran to the bathroom and picked my favorite stall, grabbed a hold of the hand rails on the sides, and braced for impact. The levees burst and all hell broke loose. Sweating bullets, I start praying. I'm not praying for this to stop, I'm praying that God puts me out of my misery right then and there.


20 minutes go by. The eye of the storm arrives.


I hear a door open. Fuck.


The person that walks in mutters under his breath "damn..." and I know he is talking about the gaseous cloud of terrorizing terror and destructive destruction that he has unwillingly been engulfed in. Poor bastard.


Finally I feel as if I'm okay. Little do I know the winds are calm in the eye of the storm. I reach for the toliet paper...it was all gone. Caught in the moment of dire need for the john I hadn't realized there was none. Fuck! No toliet paper where they usually keep the reserves in the cabinent above the toliet either...I'm pretty sure it was a conspiracy against me. That bathroom is always LOADED beyond belief with enough toliet paper to wipe the asses of several ancient armies and their horses. But today, noooo, none today.


God was lulz'ing. Probably his revenge because I don't go to church.


So what do I do? "Hey man, could you throw me a roll?"


Unknown man that just entered: "uh...sure..."

Me: "Thanks man you're a life saver"

Man: "Bombs away here ya go"

*roll flies over the top of the stall*

Me (under my breath): "Oh thank God."


I finish up and wash my hands. I leave the bathroom and who should be standing there? MY BOSS. 65 year old, white haired, fancy suit. Actually a pretty cool guy.


"Outta toliet paper, huh? Rookie mistake, kid....chicken wings get to you?"


Me: "Yes sir, thanks for the help...I'm kind of embarrassed..."


Boss: "Yeah, that was pretty gross. Haven't smelled anything like that since college."


Me: "Oh...haha...sorry."



As soon as he left the eye of the storm was no longer over me and I had to run back in.


I proceeded to walk back to my office in shame. Someone literally just stopped in and called me Wings. It has started to spread. Damnit.


What a day!






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I was with my dad and a bunch of friends once, and we both were (I actually was only buzzed, he was shitfaced beyond belief) drunk, and the TV at the place we were staying at for a paintball game wasn't working. So we all piled into a car (driver was sober) and drove to Wallmart to buy a TV.


So were in the cart area with all the automatic doors and we pull out a cart, and for some reason it was very crowded that night. He pulls it out and we get locked in next to some woman, and her cart knocks into ours lightly. He then proceeds to bang into her cart and goes "HAI LADY! YOU WANNA RACE!". He then proceeds to hit it a couple more times and then takes off into the store.





I look over.... and the woman was wearing a full-body and neck brace.


I lol'd.

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