Lament & Rejoice

[jazzy]

When I was banned from here in 2014 it was one of the best things to happen to me. I was surrounded by people who were really not my friends and I myself was an absolute piece of shit. I was a pathological liar to the core and it took many years to untwine that from me and try to start being more honest and fostering healthy relationships. When I got unbanned last year a buddy told me "why would you go back, our lives got way better after we left" and he was completely right. I still don't really know why I came back, maybe boredom, maybe belonging, but I did.

 

Despite that, I've had a really good time and I figured I'd just delve into that because of a recent thread and pop off in discord. About a month ago my dad died and I honestly got pretty crushed by it and kind of thought of going completely off my rocker and walking away from a lot of things in my life and this was one of them. After a very long week of handling the affairs around my dad's death I got back home and was absolutely tired, and I mostly stayed off of here aside from checking in once and a while.

A few days after I came back home I got into the flow of participating and playing TTT again and it did wonders for my health and made me realize I had a lot of friends I've made here, not just the ones from back in the day who helped kickstart TTT again, but ones who joined SG while I was away and those who joined after TTT started up, who I've become good friends with and talk almost daily with about various stuff- games, TTT, movies, celebrity drama, manga, anime, life, school, etc. I've enjoyed some 3am conversations with many of you here and trust me, it's always worth showing up to work uber late because of it lol.

What I'm really trying to say is I enjoy being here. When I first came back I found it a little unnerving to try and talk with some people, and a lot of my escapades into stuff like CSGO TTT were not meshing, but I've found some good footing and some good circles.

I've done things like 1v1 some of the GG'ers, play dumb discord games and various shit games, jump on racist EU CSS ZE servers for laughs, talk ENDLESSLY about manga with people, and so much more I won't bother listing.

 

I couldn't imagine leaving SG because every week I enjoy participating here from a community perspective. I've made friends and lost them in a blink of a year but I wouldn't change a thing.

I understand there's skeletons in the closet, drama left unresolved, but that's life in general. On the night my dad died I was with him for 3 hours and I knew it was not looking great and still I lacked the ability to swallow my ego and tell him some things I really wanted to say, and now it's really too late. I don't think any of us here have such a terminal case but I want you to know that it's ok to swallow the ego and let go and reconcile. I have had many imperfect relationships over my 29 years of life and I can tell you my biggest regret is not trying to keep those relationships close. I know that at times it can be hard to bridge those gaps but I hope we can all just be a community and have fun, in more than just CS2 or GMOD TTT.

[jazzy]

I'm going to cheat and lock this and ask that you all join discord, because it's so much better to talk in person there https://discord.gg/steamgamers