Funny church humor

[Lordcrazy]

Well today in the faith part of the newspaper there was funny and embarrassing stories about times when they went to church or were talking about something church related so ill post a few of the funny ones

 

Shaken, not stirred

 

At the age of 6, Patrick Burke’s daughter asked why they didn’t go to church.

 

I thought, “Wow, my daughter is ready to attend Mass!” But I also thought that at that age you can’t understand the great significance of the Mass, and trying to explain it would be silly. That next Sunday we went to Mass and sat in the front row so we could watch the priest, be close to the ceremonies and gain all the knowledge being imparted. Normally a child would whisper when surrounded by a large number of strange people and in a strange place.

 

But at the Offertory, when it was as quiet as quiet can be, when the priest was adding water and wine to the chalice, my daughter, full of wonder, leaned over to me and whispered in her tiny but magnified little voice, “Daddy, is he making a martini?”

 

The priest briefly looked at us in surprise. Then the first row laughed and the next three rows snickered, then the next three rows behind them wanted to know who said what in the first row to cause Father to look up so surprised.

 

My response was to turn bright red, give my daughter a hug and whisper, “I will explain all this to you later.”

 

Eye of the beholder

 

One Sunday our pastor was preaching and stressed the point: “God loves everyone. He doesn’t care whether they’re handsome or ugly.” Then he looked at one of the parishioners, who was sitting in the front row and added, “Isn’t that right, Brother Stone?” To which Brother Stone instantly answered, “You oughta know!”

 

****** ******* of Leawood said his priest likes to begin his weekly homily with a joke. Recently the priest told about Johnny, who announced to his mother one Sunday morning that he had two good reasons for not going to church that day.

 

“First, I am tired and need more sleep. Second, nobody likes me there.”

 

His mother replied: “Johnny, I have two good reasons for going to church. First, I have to make your bed. And second, you’re the priest.”

 

Time off for good behavior?

 

At my church’s Christian preschool, children learn a Bible verse each month. During the Easter season, preschoolers memorized the verse, “He is not here; he is risen.” (Matthew 28:6) When it was his turn to say the Bible verse, a confident 4-year-old stood and proclaimed, “He is not here; he is in prison.”

 

A monster mistake

 

It was back some 40 years at Christmas, during the first service at our church, and the elder came up to read the Scripture for that day concerning the birth of Jesus. I felt a gut instinct that something was going to go wrong.

 

It happened. He read, “Gifts were brought to the Christ child: gold, Frankenstein and myrrh!” I could hear bits of laughter all over the sanctuary. But the elder never lost his composure and kept right on reading, without (another) hitch.

 

(names were taken out for security purposes guys!) Sorry it was so long but... I hope you enjoyed it.

[PotshotPolka]

aren't you supposed to be trying to be a godless commie or something?

[Kuro]

At my church’s Christian preschool, children learn a Bible verse each month. During the Easter season, preschoolers memorized the verse, “He is not here; he is risen.” (Matthew 28:6) When it was his turn to say the Bible verse, a confident 4-year-old stood and proclaimed, “He is not here; he is in prison.”

 

my personal fav. made me chuckle

[Ganzta]

http://www.steam-gamers.net/forum/showthread.php?t=27324

 

church humor

[Jewpiter]

http://www.steam-gamers.net/forum/showthread.php?t=27324

 

church humor

 

hahah I love it, some dude with 9 posts finally gets rid of the furry

[Metal]

Misleading title

[Ketch]

http://www.steam-gamers.net/forum/showthread.php?t=27324

 

church humor

 

Lmfao, now that's some humor.

[Kamakazii101]

LOL great finds man.

[Italian Jew]

hahah I love it, some dude with 9 posts finally gets rid of the furry

 

He was banned before that...

 

Why don't people understand this?

[Jewpiter]

Sorry Mr. Community Gossip King