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fantastic's American Burger Adventure

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Hello Steam-Gamers,


As a Canadian living in your country for 3 months I've taken it upon myself to try out as many burger places as possible near me in California. This thread will chronicle one Asian's journey into the American life.


Our first stop in this fast food adventure is Chick-fil-A (01/30/2020). I ordered this the night I arrived at my rental home so I was super tired and bought it through Doordash.




Quite expensive with the Doordash fees on top, but the original prices weren't too bad. After 30 minutes I received the burger and fries.




Taking a bite of the chicken sandwich, I could immediately tell that this burger was for white people. No saucy smear of grease on the lips after taking a bite, and the chicken sandwich was delicately seasoned. Nothing too heavy; just the taste of a light brunch after Sunday morning church service. The chicken was slightly crispy, but had it been devoured at Chick-fil-A it likely would have been much better tasting. 8/10.


The waffle fries tasted white as well. Not overly-fried - just tickled with the hot oil in the deep fryer before being taken out and sent away to my house. Very soggy fries with no crispiness at all.


But wait - there's a plot twist. You see those two beauties beside the fries in the first picture? The beautiful Chick-fil-A sauce? After trying a waffle fry without anything added, I popped open one of those suckers, dipped in the waffle fry, and put it into my mouth. Wow, what a COMEBACK! The slightly tangy, slightly sweet taste of the Chick-fil-A sauce flirted with my stomach as I went to grab another piece. Every bite of these heavenly potatoes sent my hand thrusting forward to grab another one. It was only mere seconds before I finished the fries.


Waffle fries without sauce: 4/10.


Waffle fries with Chick-fil-A sauce: 9/10.


Overall, Chick-fil-A is an experience that every Canadian should try. Unfortunately it didn't live up to the hype for me, but if you're visiting for a couple nights be sure to grab a few boxes of the Chick-fil-A sauce to take home.


Expect more burgers soon...




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Our second stop in this journey is Carl's Jr., today on 02/01/2020. I was headed home and noticed a familiar smiley face in pain on a star that was the Carl's Jr. logo, so I made a detour and walked right in. I told the lady at the front this would be one of my first American burgers, so she immediately pointed her finger to the Original Burger on the menu. "What a thick landwhale" I thought. There were two options for this burger: the 1/3lb thickburger and the 1/2 thickburger. You know me - I ain't a pussy, so I got the 1/2lb thickburger with the criss-cut fries. Once they were done I threw them into my backpack and went home.


It was getting dark as I walked into my house, set the burger down on the table, washed my hands, and opened up the cardboard box hiding that juicy greasy deliciousness. I poured the criss-cut fries into the box and made myself a salad to go with this deceased cow, cheese, lettuce, and tomato recipe they call the 1/2lb thickburger.




Greasy patties of beef layered generously with American cheese filled my eyes with joy. This was the American burger I had dreamed about.




Look at this monstrosity. The pickle hanging on for dear life, screaming "help me, help me!" as my muscular hand held onto the thick burger with a vice grip. Those buns, those buns, THOSE BUNS! Perfectly baked soft buttery buns screamed "EAT ME" as I took my first bite... and was surprised. Out onto the table dripped water from the watery lettuce.


IS THIS WHAT AN AMERICAN BURGER IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE? I felt so betrayed in that moment, as if my own brother had backstabbed me. The Chick-fil-A burger had me feeling like a British royal, dabbing away the occasional grease on my lips with a napkin. But eating this burger felt like I was braving a tsunami, wave after wave hitting the table as the lettuce just keep dripping water. This is not how a burger is supposed to be like! As I kept chowing down on the burger, trying desperately to make my way from one end to the other without drowning, the dry beef patties came in for the final blow. I couldn't get past a third of the burger before needing to raise a white flag and get a glass of water. If the Sahara Desert were a person, it'd be impressed with how dry these patties were. I could feel myself asphyxiating as I finished the burger. "Never again", I thought to myself. 6/10 experience.


But wait. There's hope! As my burger was finished and I moved onto the criss-cut fries, I could hear the crispiness of the fries and the resistance of that outer shell as I took a bite. And another. And another. These are what fries are supposed to be like, ladies and gentlemen! It's a shame they only gave me one potatoes' worth of fries, but man it was worth it. I can't imagine what the Chick-fil-A sauce would've been like with these fries. 8/10.


Overall, Carl's Jr. is great for when you're having a depressing day and want to feel what it's like to be backstabbed by the smoking hot girl next door. It's eye candy for sure, but eating a burger that looks that good is a trap. Just get the fries next time.

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