Never pleasure yourself with ICYHOT

[Adam]

If youre a guy then I assume you know that "mood." The one you get at any given part of the day, rain or shine. The deep aching feeling in your pants that seems to penetrate the core of all that is man. The feeling that you need to rub one off.

 

The "mood" effects all. Even women are known to get the "mood," but we aren't here to talk about women. We are here to discuss why you don't pull out your best issue of Barely Legal and attempt to make love to yourself with ICYHOT on your hands. This is a serious issue and I hope that you all heed my advice.

 

Anyway.. I fell out of a ceiling a few months back and hurt myself pretty descently. I had to walk with a severe limp for about 2 months. This caused alot of muscles in my leg to cramp up. To counter this, I got some ICYHOT. The ICYHOT worked. Worked almost toooo well.

 

I would always apply ICYHOT right after school. I would get home, take off my uniform, put on some melodies, dim the lights, and apply a liberal portion of ICYHOT to my aching legs. I would then proceed to lay down on my bed and let the ICYHOT take control. It would put me in a semi-trance like state that is really hard to explain.

 

Whilst in the midst of this blissful state, the "mood" usually strikes.

 

Did i mention anything about washing my hands after applying the ICYHOT? No? Just checking.

 

Getting ass raped by a big black man named Tiny would feel better than what i went through 4 times last week and twice today. It felt as if i had my dick roasted by a jet engine and sliced up by a blender. Cold-hot-really fucking cold-scolding hot..Thats how it usually goes. The bad part is that once its on, you can't get it off. That brings me to.....

 

Ways to enjoy yourself while your unit teeters on the rim of hell.

 

1) Just roll with the punches and keep pluggin away (you know you can't stop once you start)

 

2) Alter your sensory perception with drugs and make pain=pleasure

 

3) Play CS:S

 

4) Apply more ICYHOT and try to convince yourself it doubles as an all natural penis enlarger

 

If all else fails and you can't stand it anymore, you can just cut it off.

 

All I ask is that when your in the "mood," and you have just finished applying a liberal portion of ICYHOT to any part of your body, please take the time to thoroughly cleanse your hands of that substance. It may put a dent in your activities, but it is better than the alternative.

 

tl;dr

 

Refer back to title.

[b0red]

Needs a tl;dr

 

Dude use bengay its way better than icyhot. Or if you really want a pleasure pack use tiger balm, gets me off everytime.

[FaTaL FaZio]

Greatest post...ever

[Mercy]

i use icyhot condoms

[Maniac]

Could always just put bengay on your balls.

[Prez]

Could always just put A535 on your balls. *waits* ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

 

Fixed.

[Jewpiter]

tl;dr

+1

[Empire Strikes Black]

Sandpaper > all.

[bethy]

Wut?

[psycore]

hahah is this a joke?