Caution

[iNorris]

Caution,

 

Things really haven't been the same since you left. SG switched hands, Bubbles has boobies in his sig, and Thor discovered complaint generators (so basically everything went to hell in a handbag). If you get the chance, get shot in the leg by an Arab so you can come back home with a Purple Heart or something.

 

Thank you for being a swell guy for the short time I knew you (even though I thought you were am arrogant cunt initially). I can't say I know you well (if at all), but my heart goes out to our troops, regardless of who they are. Take care, and please try to avoid having a major vein hit if you do get shot in the leg. Wear a butt plug at boot camp, too.

 

Best wishes,

iNorris

[McBride]

Dear Caution,

 

Hope you are having a good time in boot haha, hopefully you complete by your prom, i remember you and me talking about you going to your stuff wearing your blues, hope you are doing okay and hurry back up to SG, shits changing for the good, be safe, cant wait for you to get back peace brother.

 

Sincerely,

McBride

[Im a Jackass]

SUP dont have to much fun over there cant wait for you to get back even though I dont know you that much

 

-Chris aka Im a Jackass

[darth jacen]

I'll be writing him my own so just do a,

 

Dear Caution,

I'll be sending you a longer letter when I have time. Sorry for the delay, just saw the address yesterday, best of luck

 

Sky.

[Veggie]

Dear Caution,

 

Hope everything is going very good for you over thar. I could see you screaming boom hesdshots when you hit the field. Come back soon, we miss you.

 

Veggie/Goofball

[Bob Loblaw]

Dear Caution,

 

As much as I enjoy writing letter after letter about Mr. Caution, the fact remains that it is obviously not the intention of Heaven to let Caution incite racial hatred. Unless you share my view that one cannot help but notice that I am burning to know what sorts of warped, twisted reasons exist in the heads of those who eat our nation to its bones, there's no need for you to hear me further. I indubitably intend to exercise my franchise to fight to the end for our ideas and ideals. Now that's a strong conclusion to draw just from the evidence I've presented in this letter so let me corroborate it by saying that Caution's sinful yes-men are nothing more than subservient blobs of easily controlled protoplasm. That's why they're so willing to help Caution resort to ad hominem attacks on me and my family. I don't see how he can be so discourteous. This brings me to my next criticism of Caution: I'm no psychiatrist. Still, from the little I know about psychiatry I can really say that he seems to exhibit many of the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. I don't say that to judge but merely to put his counterproductive slurs into perspective.

 

Caution's ability to capitalize on the economic chaos, racial tensions, and social discontent of the current historical moment can be explained in large part by the following. Like a verbal magician, Caution knows how to lie without appearing to be lying, how to bury secrets in mountains of garbage-speak. His serfs don't represent an ideology. They don't represent a legitimate political group of people. They're just flat abusive. Ignorance is bliss. This may be why Caution's foot soldiers are generally all smiles.

 

If we don't remove the Caution threat now, it will bite us in our backside in a lustrum or two. This truth will be as pertinent six years as 60 years hence. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. Caution does, and that's why if his projects were intended as a joke, he forgot to include the punchline. I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, "The best advice I can give to a group is to knock some sense into Caution." I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way but rather because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I'm not the only one who thinks that the objection may still be raised that Caution's ultimata are a breath of fresh air amid our modern culture's toxic cloud of chaos. At first glance this sounds almost believable yet the following must be borne in mind: Caution's self-fulfilling prophecies reek of Marxism. I use the word "reek" because if everyone does his own, small part, together we can give Caution condign punishment.

 

While perhaps offensive to some readers, only a direct quote can fully convey the inconsiderate nature and content of Caution's hatchet jobs: "Attention, adulators! Your orders are to encourage a deadly acceptance of intolerance, and to do so at any cost." Ordinarily, Caution is dimwitted, but he has lucid moments when he is only arrogant.

 

You may make the comment, "What does this have to do with picayunish warlords?" Well, once you begin to see the light you'll realize that it's possible that Caution doesn't realize this because he has been ingrained with so much of blackguardism's propaganda. If that's the case, I recommend that we make some changes here. Just don't expect consistency from a man who is totally and undoubtedly delusional. Idle hands are the devil's tools. That's why Caution spends his leisure time devising ever more shrewish ways to make excessive use of foul language. As I remove the veil of ignorance I have lived behind, I find that he recently got caught red-handed trying to fortify a social correctness that restricts experience and defines success with narrow boundaries. Well, surprise, surprise, surprise, as Gomer Pyle would say.

 

By comparing today to even ten years ago and projecting the course we're on, I'd say we're in for an even more worthless, complacent, and myopic society, all thanks to Caution's ipse dixits. Sure, even unpleasant philosophasters may have some good points but I have yet to find one. I strive to be consistent in my arguments. I can't say that I'm 100% true to this, but Caution's frequent vacillating leads me to believe that I've heard of impolitic things like priggism and materialism. But I've also heard of things like nonviolence, higher moralities, and treating all beings as ends in and of themselves—ideas which his ignorant, unthinking, shambolic brain is too small to understand. Caution refuses to come to terms with reality. He prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination.

 

Caution's "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude is supercilious because it leaves no room for compromise. I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people. I can therefore assure you that statements like, "Base-minded stumblebums and iconoclastic dipsomaniacs will join forces one of these days to destabilize the already volatile social fabric that Caution purportedly aims to save" accurately express the feelings of most of us here.

 

This is not to say that Caution does not play nice with others. It is merely to point out that Caution's contrivances are not pedantic treatises expressing theories or extravaganzas dealing in fables or fancies. They are substantial, sober outpourings from the very soul of sadism. Now, it is not my purpose to suggest that we are in trouble when hitherto reputable people introduce disease, ignorance, squalor, idleness, and want into affluent neighborhoods but rather to stop the Huns at the gate. He used to be a major proponent of faddism. Nowadays, Caution is putting all of his support behind exclusivism. As they say, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. I understand that Caution's drones are encouraged—or more aptly, dragooned—into helping Caution ensure that there can never in the future be accord, unity, or a common, agreed-upon destiny among the citizens of this once-great nation, but I enjoy the great diversity of humankind, in our food, our dress, our music, our literature, and our forms of spiritual expression. What I don't enjoy are Caution's feral plans for the future, which rob Peter to pay Paul.

 

Caution doesn't understand politics or simply doesn't care. This implies that mankind needs to do more to remove the misunderstanding that Caution has created in the minds of myriad people throughout the world. Understand, I am not condemning mankind for not doing enough; I am merely stating that Caution truly believes that his opinions represent the opinions of the majority—or even a plurality. I hope you realize that that's just a disrespectful pipe dream from a pestilential pipe and that in the real world, I recently heard Caution tell a bunch of people that we have no reason to be fearful about the criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to fifteen years. I can't adequately describe my first reaction to this notion; I simply don't know how to represent uncontrollable laughter in text. Caution's positions are merely childish attempts at ridicule. Sure, it sounds prudish. Blame that on stingy, foolhardy swindlers.

 

You've never heard that Caution's intention is to insist that our society be infested with antagonism, barbarism, pharisaism, and an impressive swarm of other "isms"? That's because his cult followers have been staging a massive cover-up for quite some time now. But if you keep your eyes open you'll notice that he has remarked that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive. This is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral convictions. To make sure you understand I'll spell it out for you. For starters, Caution is a total zero, so to speak. Lastly, as Mr. Caution feels less and less need to conceal his ebullitions, he makes increasingly open moves towards illaudable denominationalism.

 

Your Friend,

 

Thor.

 

You tryn'a make him tl;dr irl? Lol

 

Caution:

 

We didn't get along all that well (obv) but gl to you all the same.

Have a good one.

[Maniac]

Dear Caution

 

Fuck some bitches up like you did in scrims, wish you the best of luck and go hard.

 

-PingPong

[Chobber]

Heya Caution,

 

Hope you're doing well without SG! Not gonna add to the TL;DR-letter you're already getting, but we love you..

 

Kisses,

 

Mom & Dad

 

(And if you could crossover Mom & Dad and write Chinned instead that would be lovely)

[Ms. Blargh]

K im sending it out tommorow afternoon. So last chance to get in the letter.

[Caution]

SHE LIES!!! I NEVER GOT ANY LETTER!!!