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a dilemma

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i am very stressed, i find myself to be in a pickle.


you see, i'm finally graduating in 10 days, i'm moving out of my apartment then to go back home for the summer. i have been planning groceries and supplies so i wouldnt have to throw anything out. as you could have guessed, i am an ecologist, i do not like waste.


i recently had a bad case of diarrhea. uncalled for, unfortunate. sadly, this was NOT a part of my calculations. i did not plan the diarrhea and i, just now, ran out of toilet paper instead of lasting 10 more days.


the dilemma: the store is 5 minutes away. they sell toilet papers but only in packs of 6. in the worst case, i can use paper towels for 10 days. the other option is that i go to the store and buy a pack for a modest $4.99. then again, i am and ecologist and i will most definitely not use 6 rolls in 10 days, forcing me to throw toilet paper rolls. i do not have luggage space to keep the toilet paper nor can i transport it home.


second dilemma: i just finished my last bowl of pastas. all that remains at the apartment is three pounds of plain rice.


third dilemma: i lack the motivation to walk 5 minutes to go to the store.


i was offered a couple of solutions:


  • pay fifty dollars and ship the toilet paper home (might be embarrassing to ask the fedex ppl to ship it!)
  • kill/knock out a neighbor and steal one toilet paper roll
  • use paper towels
  • not wipe for 10 days


i need opinions or points of views, thanks

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Going to bed hungry. Scrounging for toilet paper. Your planet was on the brink of collapse. I was the one who stopped that. You know what’s happened since then? The children born have known nothing but toilet paper and clean asses. It’s a paradise. Your objective? Survive.

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Hello Roux,


Thank you for contacting us. We would be more than happy to help. Let's start out with some simple options. You could pop in your earbuds and listen to some tunes, such as

, while you walk to the store. Ofcourse, now you are stuck with extra toilet paper that you have no idea what to do with. You could either give the toilet paper to a homeless shelter or you could leave it in a public restroom to help people. The second option is that you can squish down the toilet paper and stick it in your backpack so that you can take it home. Toilet paper rolls are very malleable. I like the neighbor idea but perhaps instead of killing them you could seduce them (preferably elderly) Austin Powers style. After you do the deed and you head to the bathroom, stick a roll of toilet paper down your pants. Please update us, we are interested in hearing what happens.
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